Babies and the Modern Workplace

My imagination hasn't run so far as to think about bringing a baby into work, but I stumbled across an article from The Guardian (not my usual choice of red blooded male reading material) today that had a journalist go ahead and do just that, with predictable results.

Apparently the US has a lot of advocates for a child-friendly workplace, but if a newspaper like The Guardian can't make it work, there's no chance for it happening in London.

Some great descriptions of the attempt though, like

... checking emails, now that's proper work. Technically, you can do this with a baby on your knee, but there are flaws in this plan. Mine likes to thump the keyboard repeatedly, or until he has found "select all" plus delete, whichever is the sooner. Then he likes to stand up, and sit down again, and wriggle and grunt, and all this makes it really hard to think. When I'm at home, I have a whole battery of baby-pleasing techniques - I can sing songs and dance about, I have an elaborate mime that I can do with a monkey, which pleases him so much he almost always needs a snooze afterwards. But for some reason - call me crazy - I feel inhibited in an open-plan office, so it is a bit of a grey day, from his point of view.

Read the full thing here.

The one time Sophie came in to the office see my workmates we forgot to "prefeed" her. This meant that as soon as she got in the building she decided it was time to feed, and that means about a 10 second window before the crying starts.

Of course my desk was in the corner of the office that was furthest from any toilet we could use to feed her. The result - I got to show off my screaming baby to the whole office as head after head popped up to see what the heck was going on.

From proud father to chastened father in a very short time - my daughter is already starting to making a habit of that!

What Was Sleep Again?

I never really appreciated what sleep was before I had my daughter. When it's just you and your wife, a bad night's sleep is when one of you has an extra glass of wine (or whiskey) and starts to snore. A sharp elbow to the ribs soon fixes the problem and peace resumes. I haven't tried tis with my daughter yet, but I'm assuming it wouldn't work!

Not that she snores (if only snoring was the problem, I'm sure little girls can't snore too loudly). No, it's the cries and the screams that get me. Hour after hour of holding her, gently rocking, slowing down, slowing down, then speeding up again when she stirs, slowing down, slowing down again . . .

There's a sort of a Zen aspect to it after a while, we both go into a rocking trance. That usually works after about 20 minutes, then the really dangerous part begins - getting her from vertical rocking to horizontal sleeping. Talk about more sensitive than a spirit level, she knows what that movement means, Dad is trying toget away and if therer's any part of her still conscious, then that part is going to fight with everything it's got not to be left alone.

So here I am at 11pm too tired to sleep and with work getting ever closer in the morning. What better time than to post to a blog? I guess I should be flattered, really. I have a daughter that loves me, or at least cares enough to scream when I try to leave her (hey, that's a lot more than my wife does). And when she does go to sleep, there's nothing better than watching her, completely relaxed in my arms or lying on my chest. They're so trusting and content, it's impossible not to feel a surge of love go out.

There's an irony there somewhere. I think she's fickle, one minute playing and laughing, then crying, then laughing and gurgling away, but on the other hand, just when I'm getting completely fed up with her and ready to put her in a room and close the door behind her, she'll catch my eye and smile, or shut her eyes and sleep so peacefully that no Dad could resist.

So fickle Dad and fickle daughter, we make a great team. I'm not sure what she'll be like when she's older, but I'm afraid she'll be ale to get away with murder. I should start thinking up some strategies to counter her daughterly wiles, maybe I should sleep on it . . .

Won't Someone Shut that Baby Up? 5 Ways to Stop the Crying

There's only one thing worse than being on public transport when there's a baby crying, and that's when the crying baby belongs to you.
When my daughter decides to cry, there is absolutely nothing I can do to make her stop straight away, there's no "off button" or mute, and abandoning her on a brick path, or on the side of the road, while tempting on occcasions, is definitely not an option.

Also, if wishing a baby would be quiet worked, then I don't think there would be such a thing as a crying baby, except maybe as a curiosity in the odd exibition at the Tate. So for that reason, a baby crying in public shouldn't be any more stressful than one crying in private at home.

Of course knowing that and acting on it are two very different things. I've made a list of 5 common reasons for crying below, and written down it seems nice and easy to identify and deal with, and most important, to understand. Now I don't recommend printing these out and passing them to the people who give out disapproving looks and expect them to nod in as understanding way and accept you as the owner of a crying baby, but sometimes it helps get things in perspective.

1. Hungry - babies cry when they're hungry. This is usually pretty easy to identify, even for novice fathers like me. Our daughter gives it away when she starts headbutting and sucking things. The solution for this is easy, just give her a feed.
   
2. Full Nappy - babies don't like having a wet nappy, and it leads to horrible things like nappy rash. Having overcome some initial reservations about how to identify it, this Dad now knows that the easiest way is giving the offending area a quick sniff. Not always pleasant, but definitely effective. The solution for this one isn't too hard either - remove old nappy, dry the area and throw on a fresh one.
   
3. Hot or Cold - babies don't like being too hot or cold and let it be known by, you guessed it, crying. Being winter in London, we don't have too much experience with the too hot part, but definitely cold hands, feet, and especially noses. The solution for a cold baby? Again, this is not rocket science, give her heat (body heat is the most effective, but like all the best solutions for babies is definitely the most labour intensive).
4. Tired - for our daughter, sleep time is one of the hardest times. We can watch her eyes start to droop, then she likes to scream, then droop, then scream. The solution? Time and lots of jiggling. Our daughter has decided only the left shoulder will do. And Mum or Dad must be standing up. And usually one other requirement that can change daily.
   
5. No Real Reason - some days, it seems, are just better than others and our daughter lets us know which is which by the simple but very efective method of crying. The solution? Not much you can do about this one, just hold her close and rock, joggle, tickle, sing, be quiet, stand up, sit down, go for a walk (I would say go for a drive, but we don't have a car, and as per my notes above, public transport is not the best option for a crying baby!). The best thing is that it stops, but as any parent knows, time slows down when your baby is upset.
   

This is not the most comprehensive list, and the remedies aren't too exhaustive, but are a starting point. I think I just have to realise that my baby. like all babies, is going to cry and that accepting it and loving her is part of parenting.

Two final thoughts that migth help you make it through the next tantrum on public transport.

1. While the buses are carrying signs about not eating smelly food or playing loud music because it disturbs other passengers, at least they haven't outlawed crying babies.
   
2. One of the perks of parenting is that you can always get your own back. Babies don't know what's happening, so can be put in the funniest outfit and positions and are powerless to stop it happening. These can make for great blackmail photos when they get older.
   

Finding Childcare in London

I came home on Tuesday night to find my wife in tears, my first thought was that something was wrong with our daughter. "No, she's fine," she said, "but you need to watch this". I sat down and started watching the BBC Undercover programme about childcare and all the discussions we'd had about finding a nursery and her going back to work came rushing back. It's still available on the BBC iPlayer for a couple of days if you get the chance to watch it, or there's an on the BBC website.

Some horriffic stuff going on, as one of their reporters went undercover and spent time in an handful of nurseries. This first hand account was backed up by an Ofsted officer who said that Out of 700 nurseries she and colleagues had inspected, she had found only five that she would have let her own two children go to. Ofsted inspectors are under a lot of pressure to pass child care facilities unless something is just too bad to ignore. There is a real shortage of day care and the cracks are definitely showing.

I guess I was a bit naive and somehow thought there would be higher standards when looking after children, but it seems fake CVs about in child care as much as they do in other workplaces. It seems almost anyone can be seen as fit to look after a child when the childcare company is trying to turn a profit - as always lower skilled and younger the worker the less you have to pay and the less likely they are to go and cause trouble reporting to the authorities (who don't seem too interested anyway).

Anyway, this is turning into a bit of a rant, but childcare is the thing I'm most worried about. What options do parents living in London have when maternity leave comes to an end? There aren't many who can survive with only one parent in work, even if you just want to live a "normal life". Our daugther is so precious I sometimes wonder about leaving my wife in charge of her (hopefully she doesn't read this!). Seriously though, we're looking at some places at the moment and it's easier to cross places off the list than put them on it.